darkness unleashed..

for most of my childhood, i can remember my mother mostly crying...

she seemed to be tortured by life and my dad in his abusive alcoholic rants, she seemed to never get any peace and when Dad was away working, all Mom would do is sit in her room and cry and be completely helpless and useless to me and my sisters.. that crying sound nearly drove me insane, i felt that Mom could have done something about it, but she chose to just wallow in her misery and be the victim..

as the oldest, i had to grow up fast and take care of me and my sisters..

i made sure that we were ready and dressed for school, lunches packed, Mom usually drove us to school, but on the days when her misery was at its worst and she was unable to get out of bed, we would have to walk the under 10 miles to school and back..

i couldn't wait to be old enough to leave that house, it was so full of misery, anger and despair.. and especially getting out of going to church every week.. going to church was so dreadful that i wanted to just stay home but Mom insisted that we go becuz she was looking for some sort of validation and guidance, which the church never gave her and that made me hate going to church.. they treated her like she wasn't important enough to acknowledge her presence and showed their annoyance, which she either didn't see it or chose to ignore it,  at her constant trying to be part of the "church family"...

the church we attended was nothing more than a country club for the rich parishioners and the poor ones were there to be unjustly judged and ridiculed and even behind the poor people's backs, treated as a nasty joke.. i never felt God's love in that church, it was not a sanctuary for those who truly needed help and spiritual guidance, that place was filled with nothing more than self-righteousness and contempt for others.. i always felt like i didn't belong in that church and Mom didn't want to hear it and wouldn't listen to my concerns, she just felt she needed to be there..

one night Mom had me come with her to church becuz she felt she needed some guidance from the pastor and she didn't want to go alone..  i stayed towards the back of the sanctuary to assure my mom that i was there and i watched her cry to the pastor, telling him about how lost she feels and that she needs some sort of advice on finding the right path to help her find her way..  the pastor got up and told her that she needed to be an adult and deal with her problems, he didn't have time to sit and listen to nonsensical blubbering..

i couldn't believe what i heard that pastor just say to my mom who was asking for help, a dark fire burned inside of me as i made my way towards the front row of the pews to them.. 

"are you seriously just not gonna help my mom who is asking you for help?  isn't this type of situation that the church is for?  a faithful parishioner is needing some help and you are just throwing her out because you don't want to be bothered?  if this is God's love then i want no part of it and you don't deserve to be a pastor!"  i screamed at the pastor.. as i was screaming i noticed that they started backing away from me, i felt a burning rage unleash from my control, and all the pews except the one that mom sat on were sent flying against the walls..  i felt a push come from me and the whole building shook like an earthquake shook it..  the pastor grabbed his big bible from the altar and started reading from it like a way to ward himself against me...  i felt more anger at his attempt to "exorcise" me, i flicked my hand in his direction and his bible burst into flames, forcing him to drop it in terror..  he grabbed his cross necklace using it as a shield, as he quickly was muttering more passages of bible verses, hoping that it would protect him from me..  he was mistaken, if anything, it made me more angry that he was a hypocrite..  i made a gripping motion at him and felt invisible hands tighten around his neck, causing him to choke and try to reach for fingers that weren't there..  

Mom started yelling to me, "please stop!  you've made your point!"

i said, "No i haven't, you don't deserve to be treated that way!  you are here asking for help and he refused!  i am not done with him yet!"

i made a pushing motion at the pastor and he was lifted off the ground and held up against the wall behind the altar, with my other hand i pointed at a window and the glass shattered..  i pointed to each of the windows, thoroughly enjoying the shattering sounds they made and feeling joy at the destruction i was causing..  the dark fire in me burned brighter and hotter, demanding more release..  i was feeling such pleasure and happiness at destroying this church..

the pastor was horrified at what i was doing, and my mom sat on her knees under him and she cried mostly in fear of what i was capable of doing..  i saw her rock back and forth and heard her say, "it's my fault.. it's all my fault.."  i said, "No, Mom..  it's not your fault, it's his for not being a true pastor..  and this church is not a real church, that takes care of its parishioners who need help and compassion and guidance..  it needs to be destroyed so that it can be re-built into a proper place of love, acceptance, compassion and true spiritual enlightenment.  this is why i'm doing this, this is what needs to be done.."

i concentrated on a bubble of protection for the pastor and Mom and then directed the energies to the building itself, shaking the bricks apart and then setting a cleansing fire to it..  i felt myself covered in a cool flame but i was not harmed, as the building crumbled and burned to the ground..  

Mom and the pastor were huddled together in the protective bubble as the building was destroyed, leaving only some smoldering bricks and wood scattered about the property, as i stood at where the altar used to be, looking at them..  i  helped them stand up..  i turned to the pastor, "you need to either resign as pastor because you are not a good one or you re-evaluate yourself and become a very dedicated pastor who truly cares for all his flock and not just the ones who line his pockets with money, you are supposed to help people come to God but you haven't, this is your wake-up call and your second chance, i recommend you take it.."

i grabbed Mom's hands, "Mom, i love you and it kills me when all you do is be paralyzed and helpless, your children need you, your family needs you to be strong, you have to find the strength in yourself to get yourself out of the pit you feel lost in..  you are not helpless, there are always options and solutions to everything, you just have to figure it out.."

the pastor looked at me in awe and also still afraid of me, afraid that i will hurt him again.. i smiled at him, "now i think the proper thing for you to do, is to use the money that you were given by the wealthy parishioners for your greed, to rebuild the church..  and  this church  does need you..  no more greed and no more contempt for those asking for help..  right now, you decide.."

he closed his eyes for a few moments and swallowed his fear of me and then he looked at me, "you are right..  i haven't been a good pastor, i have been greedy and have turned away from God's love for the people, and turned those away who needed me..  you have made me see the truth that i've denied..  i want to make things right, i will make things right for the people.." he took my Mom's hands, "i'm sorry for not listening to you or helping you when you needed it, come with me to my house and i will listen and we'll see how i can help.."

Mom hugged me and then she gasped..  she touched my face, 

"Your eyes..  and your face.. your face has changed.."

i found a piece of mirror on the ground near me, to look at my reflection..  my eyes were now slits like a cat or a snake, bright red color, like demon red..  my hair was black with streaks of bright red..  my face didn't look like me anymore, i was changed into something a bit more frightening, more animal, angular features, something more cat-like, i even had fangs a bit longer than a cat, i felt physically stronger and my nails even were longer and pointed like claws..

at first i was frightened by the changes, i didn't look human, but then i closed my eyes for a few moments and heard a voice talk to me, "You are now my vessel of my power.. you will be a harbinger and messenger to those who do evil to those who are in need of help..  you are outside of nature now and you will use evil against evil to show the way to the Light..  the time has come for more drastic measures to help the world find its way out of the Dark..  and for those who won't repent of their evil, you are allowed to feed on them to keep your strength and strengthen your powers.."

"who.. who are you?" i asked with hesitance, really afraid i was being demon possessed..

"i am Ipos.."

"Ipos?"  i asked out loud...

the pastor gasped, "that's a fallen angel cast out of heaven with Lucifer.."

"why is a fallen angel trying to help the world?  aren't you now a demon in hell with Lucifer?" i questioned..

"i'm not a demon, i'm still an angel, and i want to go back to Heaven where i belong, this is my way of repenting from siding with Lucifer, hopefully this is where i can be redeemed by empowering someone with my powers to help mankind get to Heaven by changing their ways from evil.."  he said.

"will it work?  and what about me?  will i get to go to Heaven by doing this?"  i said.

"you will have to use a different way to get to Heaven, because you gave in to the hatred of your heart, which let me gain entrance into you, but i will make sure that you are rewarded for becoming my vessel, i won't leave you to the Darkness, i swear.."

i felt angry that i was taking on a righteous task to help the world, but i damned myself because i did this all in the heat of my anger..
"FUCK!"